Saturday, October 4, 2014
Naming and feeding my inner demons.
Hello you cute and "ugly" parts of me.
I am putting this here in the Africa files. It has been quit a ride since returning. The energy is building and I have come home to be present with the deep, old parts of myself which I tried to run away from.
I feel like I am swimming around in festering pus from wounds of the past. Rahasya says FEEL IT, it will pass. All of last month I felt depressed and lethargic. Do movement or will to move my Life forward. Pressure, yes...chi...not so much.
This week I am feeling more motion.
Here...this space is to claim these parts of myself. A lot of shame surrounds them.
Repression. I have repressed parts of myself. I have repressed my sexuality.
Hunger.
Unlovable.
Suffering.
Hole in my Soul. Unsatisfiable. not enoughness. Addiction to Others to feel complete.
Can't do it right.
I can't feel others Love. I can't feel their affection. It is not enough.
Disbelief in myself.
**Desperate.
**Needy.
**Unworthy.
Failure.
Miserable.
Emotional manipulation.
Victim.
Denial.
I see the spirals of my Life continue. I do not see the change I long for. I do not see changes in behavior. I see a WOUNDED child. I see a deep GRIEF. I see a emotionally handicapped person. I feel the pain which was put away. I feel the longing for something else.
I have a really difficult time believing. I am not graceful in receiving.
Yes. I know this is a time where we are healing personal and transpersonal places. I know I am doing healing work bigger than this single being. I am grateful for the bigger context.
It is a wild energy about. Big shifts and changes.
A Chod practice?
feeding the demons which plague me.
1) feel it in the body (sensations, form, color)
2) hey you...what do you need?
3) Become it. I am suffering. I need compassion. (Feed it till it is satisfied.) Engorge the mother fucker.
4) Feel it full. Feel it satisfied. Meet an Ally.
Monday, June 30, 2014
conversation
people connect with the labels rather than seeking what is under...seeing the wholenss...holding the unMET one (maiden)...
so people see those identies, and go no further...
What if you tried something new. And not shared triggering things up front. An experiment
giving chance to see the beauty of the whole picture (not get scared away by singular pieces of Life). Whatever the identity piece.
The whole story puts it in a field, vs a singular point.
One of my gifts is pulling the trigger out, yet it tends to be destructive to me.
conversation with Jacqui.
thoughts to ponder for sure...
so people see those identies, and go no further...
What if you tried something new. And not shared triggering things up front. An experiment
giving chance to see the beauty of the whole picture (not get scared away by singular pieces of Life). Whatever the identity piece.
The whole story puts it in a field, vs a singular point.
One of my gifts is pulling the trigger out, yet it tends to be destructive to me.
conversation with Jacqui.
thoughts to ponder for sure...
Saturday, June 28, 2014
ready for the next evoluation
Honoring the marching orders which is coming through the Divine.
How I will take this feelings space, and knowledge to my Life in the Future?
ahhh....
grateful for the allies and support system I have for this healing Journey.
they say happiness is the fulfillment of a goal. The place of knowing you put yourself into something, and with work, persistence, time that which comes about. The celebration of a brief destination.
I feel satisfied with this Journey. I am grateful for the feelings of completion.
Now...travel...Paris! And a return to San Francisco.
Looking forward to micro brews, hot tubs, redwoods and the next evolution. Feeling excited and renewed in my emotional body. Me.
What's on the radar...
Tri's Ritual.
getting more conscious with Physical Health. check ups. honoring the Body.
Steady Income. care giving/hospice. Death Rites. (live in?)
where is Home? Conscious community...slower pace of Life.
What does the bigger picture look like?
Answers and Questions...sounds like fullness.
Emotions to feel and spaces to speak into.
whee...
I love you Kris, I love all of you...and this too...
How I will take this feelings space, and knowledge to my Life in the Future?
ahhh....
grateful for the allies and support system I have for this healing Journey.
they say happiness is the fulfillment of a goal. The place of knowing you put yourself into something, and with work, persistence, time that which comes about. The celebration of a brief destination.
I feel satisfied with this Journey. I am grateful for the feelings of completion.
Now...travel...Paris! And a return to San Francisco.
Looking forward to micro brews, hot tubs, redwoods and the next evolution. Feeling excited and renewed in my emotional body. Me.
What's on the radar...
Tri's Ritual.
getting more conscious with Physical Health. check ups. honoring the Body.
Steady Income. care giving/hospice. Death Rites. (live in?)
where is Home? Conscious community...slower pace of Life.
What does the bigger picture look like?
Answers and Questions...sounds like fullness.
Emotions to feel and spaces to speak into.
whee...
I love you Kris, I love all of you...and this too...
Friday, June 27, 2014
thoughts before leaving South Africa...
a
beautiful, sweet feeling space before leaving South Africa. Completion
thoughts start to be pondered... I came to these shores scattered and
disheartened. I came with the desire to be seen and to reconnect parts
of myself which have been abandoned.
I feel now, after these months much more solid in my core. I feel the joy and connection of meeting new people, and feeling seen. The sweetness of meeting strangers, and feeling...the "I know you"...resonance.
I feel renewed. Renewed to go home and sort out the next step. The renewal of Faith and Hope of this big Mysterious game we play called Life.
I feel the courage and strength it took to allow myself to come here...to a place across the world. (learning how to give myself some credit)...
I am deeply grateful for those who connected with me the past 2 months. For the new friends and old. Thank you.
Looking forward to diving into this next phase of adventure. Dreaming a life of presence, and expression.
with Love.
I feel now, after these months much more solid in my core. I feel the joy and connection of meeting new people, and feeling seen. The sweetness of meeting strangers, and feeling...the "I know you"...resonance.
I feel renewed. Renewed to go home and sort out the next step. The renewal of Faith and Hope of this big Mysterious game we play called Life.
I feel the courage and strength it took to allow myself to come here...to a place across the world. (learning how to give myself some credit)...
I am deeply grateful for those who connected with me the past 2 months. For the new friends and old. Thank you.
Looking forward to diving into this next phase of adventure. Dreaming a life of presence, and expression.
with Love.
Gratitude.
I landed in a beautiful space back in Johannesburg.
So, perhaps endings can lead to better circumstance. Room for trust.
I am feeling satisfied and complete in this South African Journey.
now in the bonus section.
I feel the creativity of the next cycle birthing. What I am called to look to next.
Expanding...from a more solid core.
So, perhaps endings can lead to better circumstance. Room for trust.
I am feeling satisfied and complete in this South African Journey.
now in the bonus section.
I feel the creativity of the next cycle birthing. What I am called to look to next.
Expanding...from a more solid core.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Good Bye Cape Town...
You are a powerful energy field.
Thank you for sharing your beauty, and inspiration.
I had a lovely breakfast with Rahasya. He made delightful omelets. A tasty treat. A sweet completion to this healing adventure.
There will be more to dig into, yet I feel refreshed now. I feel more capable. I feel an affirmation of my ability to move through this Life.
I feel renewed in my inspiration to succeed in feeling myself. .
Thank you for sharing your beauty, and inspiration.
I had a lovely breakfast with Rahasya. He made delightful omelets. A tasty treat. A sweet completion to this healing adventure.
There will be more to dig into, yet I feel refreshed now. I feel more capable. I feel an affirmation of my ability to move through this Life.
I feel renewed in my inspiration to succeed in feeling myself. .
Monday, June 23, 2014
this morning I work up purrring...
How amusing...
A lovely exploration of Feminine and Masculine energy upon waking. Enjoying Shima and Simon in reflection of energetic dancing.
so if the Feminine holds the bigger picture, and the Masculine implements action towards (in Service)
hummm....
feeling the connection I had with the Feminine (passionately) in my 20's. Rebelliously. Counter-dependently. so much raw force. I attracted people, yes...and yet I myself was the wild chaos of trauma and *angry* expression in rebellious form.
It crumbles with deeper childhood trauma though...all those places of passion, all the inspiration : deadlocked at some point when it reaches the threshold of ________________.
I am enjoying the feeling of energetic play with others who feel present.
Thank you.
A lovely exploration of Feminine and Masculine energy upon waking. Enjoying Shima and Simon in reflection of energetic dancing.
so if the Feminine holds the bigger picture, and the Masculine implements action towards (in Service)
hummm....
feeling the connection I had with the Feminine (passionately) in my 20's. Rebelliously. Counter-dependently. so much raw force. I attracted people, yes...and yet I myself was the wild chaos of trauma and *angry* expression in rebellious form.
It crumbles with deeper childhood trauma though...all those places of passion, all the inspiration : deadlocked at some point when it reaches the threshold of ________________.
I am enjoying the feeling of energetic play with others who feel present.
Thank you.
Attacked by an Owl today
I think it thought my hair was food...
A talon scraping on my scalp...
*beast!*
Medicine Animal...attack...
I was just thinking how interesting it would be if one flew at me...
*but not to eat my head!* silly Owl.
Then it sat on the fence above the door...daring me to go through.
I will admit I was scared, and opted to go the other way.
Maybe I was cursing in owl...*who who whhooo?*
One never knows...it was something to ponder.
A talon scraping on my scalp...
*beast!*
Medicine Animal...attack...
I was just thinking how interesting it would be if one flew at me...
*but not to eat my head!* silly Owl.
Then it sat on the fence above the door...daring me to go through.
I will admit I was scared, and opted to go the other way.
Maybe I was cursing in owl...*who who whhooo?*
One never knows...it was something to ponder.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
a lovely day.
Simon was a treat. I enjoyed the energetic banter we shared. I blushed a number of times, energetically aroused by something or another. Feeling the waves flow through me. Tears came to my eyes, once...when he apologized for something...(something that another man had done?) I felt the Divine Masculine beautifully be present...such a treat.
the Gardens were beautiful, and calm.
the Owl who mugged my head was a hoot...(haha)
no damage done. My scalp was a little sensitive on the left side for a little while from its talons, but I was not harmed. Just a little scared. And amused. I was wondering what it would be like for that to happen...and hey..it did. (not quite in the way I was thinking, but still interesting)
I picked up some great feathers at the World of Birds, and a fab story to tell...
The sunset was delightful.
Great pictures. Good conversation.
and a feeling of satisfaction. Sweet!
in gratitude and apprechiation.
![]() |
| Simon Tzu |
the Gardens were beautiful, and calm.
the Owl who mugged my head was a hoot...(haha)
no damage done. My scalp was a little sensitive on the left side for a little while from its talons, but I was not harmed. Just a little scared. And amused. I was wondering what it would be like for that to happen...and hey..it did. (not quite in the way I was thinking, but still interesting)
I picked up some great feathers at the World of Birds, and a fab story to tell...
The sunset was delightful.
Great pictures. Good conversation.
and a feeling of satisfaction. Sweet!
in gratitude and apprechiation.
One more week in South Africa...
Today was a tourist day. The hop on, hop off bus (more time for that tomorrow too)...it is challenging not to have a car in these vast Cities. I miss driving.
I can only imagine the amount of money one *could* spend here in Cape Town. My Gods...availability and presence. I am on the lean budget. I will debt for this trip. A little. Nothing too extravagant. I will be a responsible fiscal adult. It is great to have the back up...
One week left, and then a day in Paris. Ahh Paris...(that is going to be spendy too)...La sigh. *grin*
Life is amusing.
I am going to sleep well on the flight back to SFO.
I was gifted with a beautiful view yesterday. Life offered a Yes! to accommodation for the few days I am in Jozi with a family of a FB connection. Offered and willing. I am grateful for when the Universe shows up, with offers...thank you...
delightful conversations welcome.
I have hope that people will continue to show up...when this happens. It builds my Faith in the Universe. In being, feeling supported.
I can only imagine the amount of money one *could* spend here in Cape Town. My Gods...availability and presence. I am on the lean budget. I will debt for this trip. A little. Nothing too extravagant. I will be a responsible fiscal adult. It is great to have the back up...
One week left, and then a day in Paris. Ahh Paris...(that is going to be spendy too)...La sigh. *grin*
Life is amusing.
I am going to sleep well on the flight back to SFO.
I was gifted with a beautiful view yesterday. Life offered a Yes! to accommodation for the few days I am in Jozi with a family of a FB connection. Offered and willing. I am grateful for when the Universe shows up, with offers...thank you...
delightful conversations welcome.
I have hope that people will continue to show up...when this happens. It builds my Faith in the Universe. In being, feeling supported.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
addressing the past
They miss a key point that this 'turning toward one another' cannot happen if one or both partners have unhealed childhood trauma which is being triggered (it always will be) by the other.
By healing early life wounds the nervous system begins to stabilize and buffer and so there is time for rational responses. The fastest way to heal these wounds is to open them up and wash them out.
Simon Tzu
...
to feel into the emotional body...
By healing early life wounds the nervous system begins to stabilize and buffer and so there is time for rational responses. The fastest way to heal these wounds is to open them up and wash them out.
Simon Tzu
...
to feel into the emotional body...
I adore Cape Town.
Whee...I feel high here. The energy is lovely.
I love the way the Stone hugs the City.
It feels kind of like Sedona, but different stone and Urban.
I explored by foot today. Long street, and the National Lawn areas.
so much to do! So little time...
I can see how one could spend a lot of money in this town. Keep it real Kris...
I am feeling happy and satisfied. Yay!
I love the way the Stone hugs the City.
It feels kind of like Sedona, but different stone and Urban.
I explored by foot today. Long street, and the National Lawn areas.
so much to do! So little time...
I can see how one could spend a lot of money in this town. Keep it real Kris...
I am feeling happy and satisfied. Yay!
Friday, June 20, 2014
I choose NOT to tare into myself.
I could have reacted very deeply. Hurting myself on the view of questioning my ability to hold Vulnerability.
Lance. That is one of the pillars of how I share my gifts with the world, and you do not feel safe within the space I hold for vulnerability? He questioned. Heck if he needs to set his own boundaries, where he feels safe...by all means...do what you need to, to take care of yourself dear.
What does not work for me is the wavering...how will I show up, I don't know...maybe you are not...(tone). That type of communication will kill our relationship. It lands right in my anxious relationship worries, and festers. That will not provide a stable space for our relating.
I will not pick apart my personality for this relationship. No longer.
No.
No more.
If we do not agree on a fundamental place of shared vulnerability, how the fuck are we going to be in relation?
I asked for negotiation to be tabled till I get back to the States. There is too much amazing stuff to be present with here for the next 2 weeks, to be swirled by energetic negotiation that rocks my ability to be strong inside myself.
I have a PRIORITY of South Africa while I am here. Cape Town is next. I could easily spend a few weeks there, and I have 1 week (almost).
I had a great sunrise walk this morning.
I love Wilderness, and the sweet village here. Peaceful. Natural. Quiet. Beautiful.
the Journey continues.
Kris, I am willing to stand up for you. I am here for you. I will NOT destroy you for a relationship outside of you.
Lance. That is one of the pillars of how I share my gifts with the world, and you do not feel safe within the space I hold for vulnerability? He questioned. Heck if he needs to set his own boundaries, where he feels safe...by all means...do what you need to, to take care of yourself dear.
What does not work for me is the wavering...how will I show up, I don't know...maybe you are not...(tone). That type of communication will kill our relationship. It lands right in my anxious relationship worries, and festers. That will not provide a stable space for our relating.
I will not pick apart my personality for this relationship. No longer.
No.
No more.
If we do not agree on a fundamental place of shared vulnerability, how the fuck are we going to be in relation?
I asked for negotiation to be tabled till I get back to the States. There is too much amazing stuff to be present with here for the next 2 weeks, to be swirled by energetic negotiation that rocks my ability to be strong inside myself.
I have a PRIORITY of South Africa while I am here. Cape Town is next. I could easily spend a few weeks there, and I have 1 week (almost).
I had a great sunrise walk this morning.
I love Wilderness, and the sweet village here. Peaceful. Natural. Quiet. Beautiful.
the Journey continues.
Kris, I am willing to stand up for you. I am here for you. I will NOT destroy you for a relationship outside of you.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
exploring Vulnerability...
Watching the opening or invitation to opening again with Lance.
On the other side of this space of time has come ease. I did not have to be present (once felt through) some of these big challenges, so I was stable again. I fear, am scared of that ease changing. It feels so lovely to feel excitement again.
It feels fresh.
I adore when people share the depths of their Hearts, experience. It feels so great to see inside, and hold that part of them.
I am wondering how Betty Martin's wheel of consent works with this facet.
I am not able to translate it directly, as there are more facets...
Masculine, Feminine...
Give, Take...
who is receiving what...who is benefiting on which level...
...
we contain MULTITUDES...
I am worried about consent I guess. Worried that I am not ok. (yes, that...ahh that voice in the head) I know you. Due diligence in this renewal for sure, yet I must allow for others to take care of themselves...really...it is ok.
...
trying to map this relationship in a 2 dimensional field. HAHAHAHA...
silly girl.
Cosmic humor.
we are multi-faceted...we are...ha.
On the other side of this space of time has come ease. I did not have to be present (once felt through) some of these big challenges, so I was stable again. I fear, am scared of that ease changing. It feels so lovely to feel excitement again.
It feels fresh.
I adore when people share the depths of their Hearts, experience. It feels so great to see inside, and hold that part of them.
I am wondering how Betty Martin's wheel of consent works with this facet.
I am not able to translate it directly, as there are more facets...
Masculine, Feminine...
Give, Take...
who is receiving what...who is benefiting on which level...
...
we contain MULTITUDES...
I am worried about consent I guess. Worried that I am not ok. (yes, that...ahh that voice in the head) I know you. Due diligence in this renewal for sure, yet I must allow for others to take care of themselves...really...it is ok.
...
trying to map this relationship in a 2 dimensional field. HAHAHAHA...
silly girl.
Cosmic humor.
we are multi-faceted...we are...ha.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Erotic dream #2
Hot!
Seva, dinner.
I was out with a girl friend, and we found Seva somewhere along the way. He and I connected for a kiss, and the energy stirred. Passion erupted. We dove into each other...and then we had to stop for dinner time. I invited him to join us. Before we sat, he instructed me to give him a call and invite him over to my home afterward to have passionate sex.
I was with a girl friend, she was shocked.
Dominance...being told by him to call to consciously invite him to my home afterward to have passionate sex.
He and I had a short conversation about Monique, and why I was put off by the whole thing.
I compare myself to others who they are with, and find myself LACKING.
the terrible self worth trap of my own doubts.
Seva, dinner.
I was out with a girl friend, and we found Seva somewhere along the way. He and I connected for a kiss, and the energy stirred. Passion erupted. We dove into each other...and then we had to stop for dinner time. I invited him to join us. Before we sat, he instructed me to give him a call and invite him over to my home afterward to have passionate sex.
I was with a girl friend, she was shocked.
Dominance...being told by him to call to consciously invite him to my home afterward to have passionate sex.
He and I had a short conversation about Monique, and why I was put off by the whole thing.
I compare myself to others who they are with, and find myself LACKING.
the terrible self worth trap of my own doubts.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Erotic ponderings this morning...and Father's day...
Feeling introspective and reserved after an amazing energetic fucking by God this morning...Goddess...taken. In dreams, in the building of my wanting this morning...visualizing cock sliding in my Yoni. Ahh missing the attention, and allowing that sex is for me. The vulnerability of allowing myself to open, to feel, to be connected.
Sex is so much more than the physical act to me...the sweetness and consumation of human experience. The energy it raises and stirs within. Powerful possibilities of moving our stored emotions.
It is nice to be still now.
Yet, feeling deep emotions. The stirring which comes from the longing in my body. Blood pumping through my arteries.
and it goes back to feeling HELD.
Fucking Father. I do not feel emotionally close to you. You were emotionally unavailable when I was child, and I loath the fact that there is no deep feeling of being held by you. An absentee landlord in the landscape of my YOUNG heart.
I longed for you to LOVE ME. I pleaded for you to pay attention to me. To feel worth of your Love.
Yet, I never did. I never felt your emotional HUG of you...
I now am a adult, and I am angry at the hurt which happened as a child. I am angry that I carry this pain around with me, and it touches my relationships with men NOW...
You asshole. (you knew no better from your own damn Father) Emotional scars which are passed down along the Family lines. DAMN IT. When does this hurt end?
still doing the work...one step at a time. I was so grateful for the respite from diving in deep. And here we have Daddy issues...
Anger. Pain. Empty. Space...(do not like)
Sex is so much more than the physical act to me...the sweetness and consumation of human experience. The energy it raises and stirs within. Powerful possibilities of moving our stored emotions.
It is nice to be still now.
Yet, feeling deep emotions. The stirring which comes from the longing in my body. Blood pumping through my arteries.
and it goes back to feeling HELD.
Fucking Father. I do not feel emotionally close to you. You were emotionally unavailable when I was child, and I loath the fact that there is no deep feeling of being held by you. An absentee landlord in the landscape of my YOUNG heart.
I longed for you to LOVE ME. I pleaded for you to pay attention to me. To feel worth of your Love.
Yet, I never did. I never felt your emotional HUG of you...
I now am a adult, and I am angry at the hurt which happened as a child. I am angry that I carry this pain around with me, and it touches my relationships with men NOW...
You asshole. (you knew no better from your own damn Father) Emotional scars which are passed down along the Family lines. DAMN IT. When does this hurt end?
still doing the work...one step at a time. I was so grateful for the respite from diving in deep. And here we have Daddy issues...
Anger. Pain. Empty. Space...(do not like)
Frolic!
Boogie boarding (the first time in 20 years! and canoeing...)
It was so lovely to play with the Ocean.
And the canoeing was peaceful. I enjoy the pace, and being with nature.
Hey look a new interest...lovely.
Who says Life is complete. Still learning and growing.
xox.
It was so lovely to play with the Ocean.
And the canoeing was peaceful. I enjoy the pace, and being with nature.
Hey look a new interest...lovely.
Who says Life is complete. Still learning and growing.
xox.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Solo traveling challenges...
Minimum person requirements to book tours (to see things, do things).
Missing familiar conversation. Building connections, relationship. Shared interest and topics.
I am feeling the desire to be with others who are familiar. There is a sweetness in that. To know, and to be known. To share our essential selves, deeper and deeper. More and more naked. This is my wish for relationship.
Vulnerability.
Missing familiar conversation. Building connections, relationship. Shared interest and topics.
I am feeling the desire to be with others who are familiar. There is a sweetness in that. To know, and to be known. To share our essential selves, deeper and deeper. More and more naked. This is my wish for relationship.
Vulnerability.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Sleep needed...the tired way of the Road.
Hello Princess...
what too much energy in your sleep space?
too much movement of others?
too much light?
too much sound?
ahh...princess...I know. You like what you like...well we are on the road traveling, seeing new sights right now.
You can cultivate your nest when we are home, and back in the "usual" flow. What shall we create in that new view? What shall draw us?
I feel a bit out of my element on this trip. No consciousness geeks in this view (out in the bush), no congregation of energy aware people who are magnetized to each other. hummm...interesting to feel the different space.
We shall see...
what too much energy in your sleep space?
too much movement of others?
too much light?
too much sound?
ahh...princess...I know. You like what you like...well we are on the road traveling, seeing new sights right now.
You can cultivate your nest when we are home, and back in the "usual" flow. What shall we create in that new view? What shall draw us?
I feel a bit out of my element on this trip. No consciousness geeks in this view (out in the bush), no congregation of energy aware people who are magnetized to each other. hummm...interesting to feel the different space.
We shall see...
Thursday, June 12, 2014
the twists and turns of this Journey
Gods that was a long ass day. I am in Africa...I keep saying that over and over to myself. It is all a bit surreal. Villages blur by as the silly, young beings pound beer. Drinking games? I remember those in college (and even then I did not really join in).
I am tired. The unknown, making sure I am on the right path. Toward the places which have been laid out. The Princess is finding parts of herself.
*I really work best, when things are laid out upfront and I know what the view is going to look like. That helps create peace in my being...know this about yourself Love. We do the best we can.
I arrived after dark. The BIG beautiful FULL moon lighting my way. I can hear the Ocean. People are around the fire...
Life is good.
I am here.
xoxo
I am tired. The unknown, making sure I am on the right path. Toward the places which have been laid out. The Princess is finding parts of herself.
*I really work best, when things are laid out upfront and I know what the view is going to look like. That helps create peace in my being...know this about yourself Love. We do the best we can.
I arrived after dark. The BIG beautiful FULL moon lighting my way. I can hear the Ocean. People are around the fire...
Life is good.
I am here.
xoxo
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
musings on permsission...Gorge swing
So I followed my calling and did the Oribi Gorge swing. Amazingly scary for a few seconds, and a nice forest view till they pulled me up.
I did it. It took one trial run, and then the pull of the swing was intense. (literately the force of the space and harness)
Moving beyond fear. The brain did funny things, trying to rationalize a irrational experience.
I never would have considered this type of thing in the US. I am not an adrenaline junkie, I am an experience junkie. Yet I find myself doing things with more permission here.
Why is that? How do I have more opening for identity here?
I did it. It took one trial run, and then the pull of the swing was intense. (literately the force of the space and harness)
Moving beyond fear. The brain did funny things, trying to rationalize a irrational experience.
I never would have considered this type of thing in the US. I am not an adrenaline junkie, I am an experience junkie. Yet I find myself doing things with more permission here.
Why is that? How do I have more opening for identity here?
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Ironic...thanks Goddess...
Moon cycle starts today...hahahahaha...
that is amusing...
Oh darling you have such amusing timing.
Goddess Bless....
that is amusing...
Oh darling you have such amusing timing.
Goddess Bless....
Hello Mercury retrograde.
Plans...
Saturday, today I am in the flow. the plans melted...so more time to be at ease in the packing...that works.
I will be still and get ready for my next Journey *here* in South Africa. The first few days are reserved, and I will do my best to be flexible in this time of change.
Trip preparations. Packing day.
I *think* everything will fit.
Two bags...that is manageable.
Three weeks on the road. This is going to be an adventure.
Saturday, today I am in the flow. the plans melted...so more time to be at ease in the packing...that works.
I will be still and get ready for my next Journey *here* in South Africa. The first few days are reserved, and I will do my best to be flexible in this time of change.
Trip preparations. Packing day.
I *think* everything will fit.
Two bags...that is manageable.
Three weeks on the road. This is going to be an adventure.
Friday, June 6, 2014
pondering symbiosis
Symbiosis:
biology : the relationship between two different kinds of living things that live together and depend on each other
biology : the relationship between two different kinds of living things that live together and depend on each other
: a relationship between two people or groups that work with and depend on each other
Symbiotic relationship: empowered symbiosis?
might be last Rahasya session
A session of brains, minds, energy and talk. As my body is out of balance at the moment.
He spoke much of *speed* the speed of consciousness and how we navigate at these speeds.
(you are gaining momentum...and moving through at high speeds...he says)
speed and the ripples, vibrations, waves...it makes...(as a part of its nature)
Consciousness levels...
the weight of emotional holding, and using that as fuel for acceleration. (Heart meditation to ingest the e-motion...?)
seeing both sides of the stirring of other people's lives, when we interact and perhaps they are ignited to change some aspect of THEMSELVES (when I am in romantic desire of them)? (but isn't it all about me??) What if this is the archetype of the Dakini doing her thing anyways...?
things that make you go...hummm....
I do think parts of his understanding are skewed, but it is nice to have someone who is on their path beyond my consciousness level and "speed" to create synergy with.
Satori: that God space...felt with Kundilini awakening...I happened to experience it via sexuality. And chased it in that space since...(a physiological response from physical exertion and stillness(?)
Eros: moving toward in Life...beyond sexuality...Eroticism is the sexual movement.
He spoke much of *speed* the speed of consciousness and how we navigate at these speeds.
(you are gaining momentum...and moving through at high speeds...he says)
speed and the ripples, vibrations, waves...it makes...(as a part of its nature)
Consciousness levels...
the weight of emotional holding, and using that as fuel for acceleration. (Heart meditation to ingest the e-motion...?)
seeing both sides of the stirring of other people's lives, when we interact and perhaps they are ignited to change some aspect of THEMSELVES (when I am in romantic desire of them)? (but isn't it all about me??) What if this is the archetype of the Dakini doing her thing anyways...?
things that make you go...hummm....
I do think parts of his understanding are skewed, but it is nice to have someone who is on their path beyond my consciousness level and "speed" to create synergy with.
Satori: that God space...felt with Kundilini awakening...I happened to experience it via sexuality. And chased it in that space since...(a physiological response from physical exertion and stillness(?)
Eros: moving toward in Life...beyond sexuality...Eroticism is the sexual movement. Why so much Fear from Abroad?
I received a email response from Marianne this morning. More warnings about travel here in South Africa.
Yes, I will be out more soon...yet, I have not felt the need for the dire warnings which have come this way. She was here many years ago, and I wonder if that time felt different than this *now*?
Eyes and heart open, discernment and mindfullness.
I am held in the waves of the International Travel route. On buses and in backpackers, on tours will Cape Town. Then only a few days of open travel around Cape Town. May I be held safely. As I have been thus far.
Grateful for the seeing of sights and wisdom which comes from being out in the South African realm.
More adventures soon. Goddess of Travel hold this wandering Spirit. I am here to feel you. Thank you.
a lovely morning of music, and song. Being moved by the beats of Africa. it feels sweet within.
Yes, I will be out more soon...yet, I have not felt the need for the dire warnings which have come this way. She was here many years ago, and I wonder if that time felt different than this *now*?
Eyes and heart open, discernment and mindfullness.
I am held in the waves of the International Travel route. On buses and in backpackers, on tours will Cape Town. Then only a few days of open travel around Cape Town. May I be held safely. As I have been thus far.
Grateful for the seeing of sights and wisdom which comes from being out in the South African realm.
More adventures soon. Goddess of Travel hold this wandering Spirit. I am here to feel you. Thank you.
a lovely morning of music, and song. Being moved by the beats of Africa. it feels sweet within.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
session skills and talents shared.
The many tools offered during session space...
One never knows what the session will call for. How to evoke the movement which will produce energetic response.
Following the energy, and playing...
whee...
Body wisdom...
Well I am taking it easy for awhile.
My G.I tract and Yoni are out of balance.
Absorption, digestion....too much sugar I think..and foreign invaders from other bio-systems (Yoni). I wondered if that would happen.
So...I was going to pick Rayhasya's brain, and energy body...however he too was not feeling well. Low energy, and something he ate. Well, not today. I have faith we shall connect before we leave for our trips.
I am ok with being mellow right now. I honor the wisdom of the body.
A time of transition.
I had a very full week last week, and I am in the process of getting ready for a Tour of the South Coast! New vistas await.
I have been hedonisticly enjoying Masters of Sex, and being still.
I have spent more money then I wanted to this week. Damn.
My G.I tract and Yoni are out of balance.
Absorption, digestion....too much sugar I think..and foreign invaders from other bio-systems (Yoni). I wondered if that would happen.
So...I was going to pick Rayhasya's brain, and energy body...however he too was not feeling well. Low energy, and something he ate. Well, not today. I have faith we shall connect before we leave for our trips.
I am ok with being mellow right now. I honor the wisdom of the body.
A time of transition.
I had a very full week last week, and I am in the process of getting ready for a Tour of the South Coast! New vistas await.
I have been hedonisticly enjoying Masters of Sex, and being still.
I have spent more money then I wanted to this week. Damn.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Getting Real. Acknowledging shame, rejection, and grief/anger
Naming my shame. Naming the rejection that I feel inside. Naming the places that I lose/abandon myself. Namaste. (getting real)
...
This is my Body. The is the beautiful Art piece that my Life has/does share with the world. These curves, this fat...this is my Body. This body is different than the ones we see on Media, or the "stereotypical" Yogini communities. This body is different than you will see on the covers of Sacred Sexuality promotions. I acknowledge the *shame* I feel in that...I do not look like those bodies...*This is My body*...
I rather Love my nipples and the nipple rings which I ceremoniously put there...
This is my naked body...I feel grief when people are not attracted to it because it does not fit within social beauty norms of this time. I feel rejected. I reject myself because I do not fit within the "celebrated" norms.
I cherish those who can see the beauty of the whole of me...who are attracted to this body. To my powerful energy. To the woman I AM.
....
I acknowledge the external validation that I need. I acknowledge that I take on other people's opinion, and take it into myself. I acknowledge I reject myself when others reject me.
I acknowledge the shame of having this body. I acknowledge the WISH to have some other body, something that is what people want. I acknowledge my self worth comes from outside of myself. That I gain confidence when others rejoice in my being.
I acknowledge I desperately long for the person who I am attracted to TO BE ATTRACTED TO ME.
Why the fuck am I spending so much time and energy on people who are not there for me...(back to trying to heal the past with the present)...such dedication to hitting my heart against unfriendly/unshared places.
I acknowledge the courage to speak my heart. To speak what is alive for me. This is a powerful step along the road to reclaiming ME. I have the courage to acknowledge the parts of myself which I feel ashamed.
I acknowledge the courage to post naked pictures of myself, and speak what I feel is FAT SHAMING in these Communities. Silence does not acceptance make.
Ignoring these non-spoken community agreements does not Heal this wound. I will no die inside myself.
I will not go easily into my own grace...I will claim this personal space of me. I will juice my own ill suited habits, and defense mechanisms for the pain barriers they are.
Masculine/Feminine ??
why Kris hated space. (inside/outside relations) found the feeling place this week.
It "does not feel Strong" if the Masculine is this pillar of Protection inside, then the Feminine is the Void? (getting lost in the nothing.) Falling into. ???
falling into the emotional abyss, fears of getting lost in it.
I think it has to do with these core energetics...the defender of the Masculine...
the unsafe feeling of the Feminine?
It "does not feel Strong" if the Masculine is this pillar of Protection inside, then the Feminine is the Void? (getting lost in the nothing.) Falling into. ???
falling into the emotional abyss, fears of getting lost in it.
I think it has to do with these core energetics...the defender of the Masculine...
the unsafe feeling of the Feminine?
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Even sex is not about sex...
It is amusing. I have had more cunnilingus in the past week, than I have had in the past year. It is not a personal relationship. It is in the energy building service...very odd to ponder as usually cunnilingus is very vulnerable and sensitive for me. In the distant past, I reserved it for *special* interactions. I feel moved into vulnerability with this specific man, yet it is not the romantic relationship field.
Feels strange.
I have social time coming up where there is a question...how physically sexual will it get? The energy of the exchange is much more interesting to me right now, than if I will get naked with this person. I don't really have a preference. I am not sexually, lustfully attracted...and I could easily share exploration space of the body. It is not a big deal. Or not...I enjoy the pleasure of the energy.
Yes, there ARE people who I felt the body longing for, and energetically would have enjoyed getting naked specifically for play. But it does not seem to be a dominant orientation right now. Things that make me go hummm.....
Feels strange.
I have social time coming up where there is a question...how physically sexual will it get? The energy of the exchange is much more interesting to me right now, than if I will get naked with this person. I don't really have a preference. I am not sexually, lustfully attracted...and I could easily share exploration space of the body. It is not a big deal. Or not...I enjoy the pleasure of the energy.
Yes, there ARE people who I felt the body longing for, and energetically would have enjoyed getting naked specifically for play. But it does not seem to be a dominant orientation right now. Things that make me go hummm.....
Friday, May 30, 2014
Emptying out the Past pain...
so many sources of Past pain.
childhood:
a ton of developmental pain. a ton of I am not going to look at this now (strategy) to get through it, and now is later...
I survived. I am here. and I have a shit ton of past pain, I did not feel.
Yes, it made me more compassionate, with tons of capacity for others feeling states.
And it fucking hurts.
some notion that being strong has been a function of not feeling my emotions. The known core of protection holding me up, the fear if I let it go I will be nothing. Existential identity.
past lives:
pain of our humanity.
...
It is interesting. The sexual side of this is so sideline. A vehicle for raising energy, a different tone than sensual pleasure.
childhood:
a ton of developmental pain. a ton of I am not going to look at this now (strategy) to get through it, and now is later...
I survived. I am here. and I have a shit ton of past pain, I did not feel.
Yes, it made me more compassionate, with tons of capacity for others feeling states.
And it fucking hurts.
some notion that being strong has been a function of not feeling my emotions. The known core of protection holding me up, the fear if I let it go I will be nothing. Existential identity.
past lives:
pain of our humanity.
...
It is interesting. The sexual side of this is so sideline. A vehicle for raising energy, a different tone than sensual pleasure.
Fucking tired...Gods...
feeling energetically scrapped...like not enough butter over toast.
...
I really enjoyed Shima.
I enjoy her energy.
I enjoyed spending a whole day in the same vicinity. I am grateful for the depth of her sharing.
I did not enjoy the sliding along tender lines. Energetic fault lines.
Usually I am the one who slides along those places (of others). That piercing gaze into others energy matrix. She did it in such a sweet way. Gods.
...
Rejection.
"Moving toward, breathing in and kissing rejection as it stirs big energy places. "
"taking things personally" is the symptom. the wound is deeper than that. A young girl. shacking, quivering in perpetual hurt.
I feel so young, and so tender right now. Tears come so easily.
I need water, natural bodies...in a big way.
...
I really enjoyed Shima.
I enjoy her energy.
I enjoyed spending a whole day in the same vicinity. I am grateful for the depth of her sharing.
I did not enjoy the sliding along tender lines. Energetic fault lines.
Usually I am the one who slides along those places (of others). That piercing gaze into others energy matrix. She did it in such a sweet way. Gods.
...
Rejection.
"Moving toward, breathing in and kissing rejection as it stirs big energy places. "
"taking things personally" is the symptom. the wound is deeper than that. A young girl. shacking, quivering in perpetual hurt.
I feel so young, and so tender right now. Tears come so easily.
I need water, natural bodies...in a big way.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Energetic Jedi moves...
As I lick the Lake of my own salty tears...I ponder.
how far I have come...
removed from the person sharing their body, energy dancing with energy.
It is not a personal lust. It is beyond the call of the Flesh.
In presence.
...
it really is a rather brilliant Professional energetic stage.
*the Body* the body may respond as body does...
your invitation is to meditate with the body. Allow what it brings up in you.
Feel through, allow the energy to expand beyond
...
FEEL ME...
I choose the extra-ordinary...
I choose to believe it is possible...
I choose to follow the curiosity...
I choose to trust in the process of becoming...
I choose to make choices based on excitement and interest.
I choose to move toward my desires...
I choose to follow the curiosity...
I choose to trust in the process of becoming...
I choose to make choices based on excitement and interest.
I choose to move toward my desires...
Postal Mail is just not a big thing here in South Africa.
The post office? What?
It is amazing the difference between US postal system, and the South African connection to their post.
This house does not even receive post. ??
Culture difference.
It is not sure to get here if sent within the country. Who knows if the book I sent here will arrive. It will be a mystery.
huh.
It is amazing the difference between US postal system, and the South African connection to their post.
This house does not even receive post. ??
Culture difference.
It is not sure to get here if sent within the country. Who knows if the book I sent here will arrive. It will be a mystery.
huh.
Monday, May 26, 2014
the kind of love that moves us to become...
"Give me the kind of love that turns my past into an etch a sketch and shakes the broken out of me."
It is happening...in its own way...
much more violently than I had imagined. More vigorously...my own hands on the sides of the screen.
Claiming more ease and harmony in the Process.
no striving in the Allowing process, relaxing into allowing...
relaxing into the accepting, not pushing it.
....
“We
can pay people to clean our house, do our taxes, teach us piano, and
fix broken bones, but nobody can do our inner work for us. Nobody. To
truly take responsibility for ourselves, we must grow up psychologically
and spiritually, so we can respond to life as mature and authentic men
and women.”
-Mariana Caplan
-Mariana Caplan
Meeting new people, expanding the web of connections...
On Saturday,
I had a sweet and easy day with Eloise.
I spent more money than I planned, but I bought this beautiful dress and a skirt which really *feels good on me*...
We visited a cheese factory, and they had some delightful Gouda. Yummy. I brought a ton home.
Walking on the lands, playing...I brought a lot of playful girl energy. Making swords for princesses...inviting play.
We had some great, revealing conversations about our live. Love, relationships, developmentally different levels of men...
It is so nice to be out in nature, and with the land...
I feel a bit done with Johannesburg. Well done. (I still have yet to do a Soweto/Apartheid museum tour...and I am not sure...)
On Sunday,
I had a wonderful dinner with Amanda, and Williem tonight.
We shared talk-story for 3 hours...laughing, discussing different facets of consciousness and perspectives on how we embody these space-suits.
I liked Amanda's definition of consciousness made form in the Earth element.
good food, good conversation...
I enjoyed the attention, and presence.
I had a sweet and easy day with Eloise.
I spent more money than I planned, but I bought this beautiful dress and a skirt which really *feels good on me*...
We visited a cheese factory, and they had some delightful Gouda. Yummy. I brought a ton home.
Walking on the lands, playing...I brought a lot of playful girl energy. Making swords for princesses...inviting play.
We had some great, revealing conversations about our live. Love, relationships, developmentally different levels of men...
It is so nice to be out in nature, and with the land...
I feel a bit done with Johannesburg. Well done. (I still have yet to do a Soweto/Apartheid museum tour...and I am not sure...)
On Sunday,
I had a wonderful dinner with Amanda, and Williem tonight.
We shared talk-story for 3 hours...laughing, discussing different facets of consciousness and perspectives on how we embody these space-suits.
I liked Amanda's definition of consciousness made form in the Earth element.
good food, good conversation...
I enjoyed the attention, and presence.
Rahasya is back in Jozi
It was sweet to have him over for tea today.
Such blessings of consciousness conversation the past few days! Abundance of people, and tasty food.
I enjoy his sweet presence, and an expanded conversation on how we view these lenses of what is.
No Fire...I can command his attention, and presence if that is what the Intention of his empowerment training. He was speaking of how he defers to Dakini's again...I can show up that masculine, but that is not what I am working on..
Much has unfolded since the first week of my Journey.
I have felt Fire with a couple of men here. The desire at Blissdance with that one...wowza. I did not desire to control myself! So it is not the case that I am unable, it is just how it is. I could move toward fire if he brought it, yet that does not seem to be how our sessions have unfolded.
such is the reality of energy. I am grateful for the Ease, and sweetness. I trust the space.
Such blessings of consciousness conversation the past few days! Abundance of people, and tasty food.
I enjoy his sweet presence, and an expanded conversation on how we view these lenses of what is.
No Fire...I can command his attention, and presence if that is what the Intention of his empowerment training. He was speaking of how he defers to Dakini's again...I can show up that masculine, but that is not what I am working on..
Much has unfolded since the first week of my Journey.
I have felt Fire with a couple of men here. The desire at Blissdance with that one...wowza. I did not desire to control myself! So it is not the case that I am unable, it is just how it is. I could move toward fire if he brought it, yet that does not seem to be how our sessions have unfolded.
such is the reality of energy. I am grateful for the Ease, and sweetness. I trust the space.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
the deep works of Self revelation and the Healing Journey
Micheal's shared story:
outing himself as something socially taboo, and judged.
"My Life and Lessons as a a registered sex offender..."
This action really touches me.
This is an example of walking our talk to me.
Moving beyond the fear of what others might think, or judge us and be real with each other.
*This is my story...this is where I have been, and where I am.
Honesty, vulnerability, walking through the Fire and coming out the other side to share our Gifts with Community.
This is Shamanic Journeying.
This is wholeness.
beautiful. xo
Friday, May 23, 2014
a love letter to my inner child.
by Allison Neppi
To the child who couldn’t understand
why nobody could understand.
To the one whose hand was never taken,
whose eyes were never gazed into by
an adult who said,
“I love you.
You are a miracle.
You are holy,
right now and
forever.”
To the one who grew up in the realm of “can’t.”
To you who lived “never enough.”
To the one who came home to no one there, and
there but not home.
To the one who could never understand why
she was being hit
by hands, words, ignorance.
To the one whose innocence was unceremoniously stolen.
To the one who fought back.
To the one who shattered.
To the never not broken one.
To the child who survived.
To the one who was told she was
sinful, bad, ugly.
To the one who didn’t fit.
To she who bucked authority
and challenged the status quo.
To the one who called out
the big people for
lying, hiding and cruelty.
To the one who never stopped loving anyway.
To the child that was forbidden to need.
To the ones whose dreams were crushed
by adults whose dreams were crushed.
To the one whose only friend
was the bursting, budding forest.
To the ones who prayed to the moon,
who sang to the stars
in the secrecy of the night
to keep the darkness at bay.
To the child who saw God
in the bursting sunshine of
dandelion heads
and the whispering
clover leaf.
To the child of light who cannot die,
even when she’s choking
in seven seas of darkness.
To the one love
I am and you are.
You are holy.
I love you.
You are a miracle.
Your life,
your feelings,
your hopes and dreams–
they matter.
Somebody failed you but you will not fail.
Somebody looked in your eyes and saw the sun — blazing — and got scared.
Somebody broke your heart but your love remains perfect.
Somebody lost their dreams and thought you should too,
but you mustn’t.
Somebody told you
that you weren’t
enough
or too much,
but you are
without question
the most perfect
and holy creation of
God’s
own
hands.
Other International places I would like to visit...
Egypt:
down the Nile, Sacred Sites.
Cambodia:
Siem Reap, Angkor wat
Hungry:
Prauge
Vienna
down the Nile, Sacred Sites.
Cambodia:
Siem Reap, Angkor wat
Hungry:
Prauge
Vienna
Goreme, Turkey (The Underground City)
Black Jaguar
"The panther is a very powerful and ancient totem. It is generally associated with a particular species of leopard or jaguar although the cougar is also referred to as panther. As with most of the large cats, the panther is a symbol of ferocity and valor. It embodies aggressiveness and power, though without the solar significance. In the case of the Black Panther, there is definitely a lunar significance. The panther has over 500 voluntary muscles that they are capable of using at will. This reflects a great deal about an individual who has such animals as a totem. It reflects an ability to do a variety of tasks as he or she wills. It is simply a matter of deciding and putting to use those particular “muscles,” be they physical, mental, psychic, or spiritual. As a whole panthers are loners (solitary) although they do associate with others, they are most comfortable by themselves or within their own marked territory. They are drawn to those individuals who are likewise often solitary.
Panther is secretive, silent, and graceful in her every move. She is solitary by choice, she tells little though listens much. She is careful not to share too much information, only enough to ease curious minds.
Of all the panthers, probably the Black Panther has the greatest mysticism associated with it. It is the symbol of the feminine, the dark mother, the dark of the moon. It is the symbol for the life and power of the night. It is a symbol of the feminine energies manifest upon the earth. It is often a symbol of darkness, death, and rebirth from out of it. There still exists in humanity a primitive fear of the dark and of death. The Black Panther helps you to understand the dark and death and the inherent powers of them; and thus by acknowledging them, eliminate your fears and learn to use the powers. In China there were five mythic cats, sometimes painted like tigers or leopards. The black reigns in the north with winter as its season of power, and water its most effective element. This is the element of the feminine. This is the totem of greater assertion of feminine in all her aspects: child, virgin, seductress, mother, warrioress, seeress, and the old wise woman.
When the Black Panther enters your life as a totem, it awakens the inner passions. This is capable of manifesting in unbridled expressions of baser powers and instincts. It is also capable reflecting an awakening of the kundalini, signaling a time of not just coming into one’s own power. More so, the keynote of the Black Panther is Reclaiming One’s True Power. In mythology and scripture, the panther has been a symbol of the “Argos of a Thousand Eyes,” who guarded the heifer IO who was loved by Zeus. After his death, the eyes were transferred to the feathers of the peacock. The panther always brings guardian energy to those to whom it comes.
The panther often signals a time of rebirth after a period of suffering and death on some level. This implies that an old issue may finally begin to be resolved, or even that old longstanding wounds will finally begin to heal, and with the healing will come a reclaiming of power that was lost at the time of wounding. Also, the Black Panther is very mystical, she finds the most power in darkness.
Black Panther understands death and teaches people not to fear it, for out of death comes rebirth.
To the Native peoples of North and South America, the jaguar especially in the form of the Black Panther, was endowed with great magic and power. The jaguar panther climbs, runs, and swims, even superior to that of the tiger. For the reason that it is capable of functioning so well in so many areas, it became the symbol of mastery over all dimensions. To the Tucano Indians of the Amazon, the roar of the jaguar was the roar of thunder. Thus the Black Panther was the god of darkness and was capable of causing eclipses by swallowing the sun. This reflects the tremendous power inherent within the feminine forces. To those with the panther as a totem, this power will increasingly be experienced.
Nietzsche once said, “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.” It is this same idea that is awakened in the lives of those who open to the power of the panther totem. The panther marks a new turn in the heroic path of those to whom it comes. It truly reflects more than just coming into one’s own power. Rather it reflects a reclaiming of that which was lost and an intimate connection with the great archetypal force behind it. It gives an ability to go beyond what has been imagined, with opportunity to do so with discipline and control. It is the spirit of imminent rebirth.”
Panther people have a broader vision. Panther medicine gives them a deeper insight, both spiritually and psychically. Their enhanced perspective lets them see things in close detail or from a distance. Panthers enter the world enlightened whereas others have to work to achieve that."
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Out into the Bush
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Expectations
Yes, I expected emotional availability. After cultivating a space of allowing and acceptance, I was under the impression that was a value.
(not after them getting hurt with my action to invite someone who has hurt them)
that ended that.
I expected communication.
I expected time shared in conversation. Not hiding away in the room, or so busy that there is no time to connect.
I expected when you say you are going to do something, you are on top of it...and DO it.
I expect not to have to keep asking, over and over. I DO NOT feel heard when this happens.
**the little one screams! Why don't you care! Why is what I asked for (2 million times!!!) not important to you? Am I not important to you...is my happiness, integration into this Journey not important to you?? WHAT THE FUCK?
Perceptions...
They are not odd. You are odd.
These people are not weird or funny, crazy or complicated. Rather, YOU are those things, YOU are those thoughts, and YOU are those opinions.
(not after them getting hurt with my action to invite someone who has hurt them)
that ended that.
I expected communication.
I expected time shared in conversation. Not hiding away in the room, or so busy that there is no time to connect.
I expected when you say you are going to do something, you are on top of it...and DO it.
I expect not to have to keep asking, over and over. I DO NOT feel heard when this happens.
**the little one screams! Why don't you care! Why is what I asked for (2 million times!!!) not important to you? Am I not important to you...is my happiness, integration into this Journey not important to you?? WHAT THE FUCK?
Perceptions...
The open road doesn’t necessarily lead to anywhere and all of those curious sights, smells and tastes that will blow your mind each and every day? To other people, those are normal, commonplace, or boring. Those people you will meet with those new accents, different clothing and entirely unique ways of living, doing, and being? They are not strangers. You are the stranger.They are not different. You are different.
They are not odd. You are odd.
These people are not weird or funny, crazy or complicated. Rather, YOU are those things, YOU are those thoughts, and YOU are those opinions.
Never forget the power of perception.
the honorable Fight...
witnessing: a childhood struggle to overcome the Past. To valiantly conquer WHAT WAS MISSING, and overcome scarcity. To have it work *this* time. The fight to make it right...
the valiant effort to do BETTER...
watching the story play out over and over again.
the Heroic *struggle*...of the wounded child. How can things be better if there is nothing to struggle against? (how can I succeed? how can I fight against the injustice of how it is to me *the inner child*)
the shape of pre-conscious motivations.
honoring this too. Accepting and Allowing. *this too*
welcoming depth
the benevolent and nurturing mother smiles...
There is my powerful and amazing child. There she is...creative, determined, driven...
yes, little...you can run here any time you hurt yourself. You can count on me to hold you, and love you AS YOU ARE...
no *better than this*...just you.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Enjoying sensual touch
Ahh...to receive and play in the Sensual Realm.
A sweet and playful connection with a local massage practitioner. Energetic a nice warm Fire, which does not burn with obsession. The ability to dance in the licks of flames, without getting lost in them (presently).
I know this is a short term thing, so it works.
I do not feel a romantic relationship dynamic, and my easy space to express space is physical intimacy space. **NOT MY EDGE. heh.
It is nice just to be naked, and be touched while stoking the Fire between.
No edge pushing for me, or anything particularly new.
"learning, exploring ways of interaction which he had not gone before"...I am glad he enjoyed himself. I had a lovely, sweet time. That feels nourishing right now after all the emotional intimacy longing over this past year.
Present.
I had a few energy Orgasms. Waves of pleasure which run through a chakra, and the whole body.
It was nice to remember.
Thank you.
A sweet and playful connection with a local massage practitioner. Energetic a nice warm Fire, which does not burn with obsession. The ability to dance in the licks of flames, without getting lost in them (presently).
I know this is a short term thing, so it works.
I do not feel a romantic relationship dynamic, and my easy space to express space is physical intimacy space. **NOT MY EDGE. heh.
It is nice just to be naked, and be touched while stoking the Fire between.
No edge pushing for me, or anything particularly new.
"learning, exploring ways of interaction which he had not gone before"...I am glad he enjoyed himself. I had a lovely, sweet time. That feels nourishing right now after all the emotional intimacy longing over this past year.
Present.
I had a few energy Orgasms. Waves of pleasure which run through a chakra, and the whole body.
It was nice to remember.
Thank you.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Big feelings today.
Feeling lost in the muchness of this time.
The patterns of me have followed me across the bloody world.
watching in horror. feeling self condemnation.
I notice I am LOSING empathy, and nurturing spaces. WTF!
(and meeting new people...yet feeling the same values of communication, consistency, showing upness)
It felt so sweet to be held here in that way, and then I made a choice...and it triggered something in the other. BAMM. change. Life stresses...not available.
*I am reaching out to my Global village*
the gift of teaching other's their fucking boundaries...oh how glorious.
"I get to learn how to say No, as you are teaching me about that..(Cuddle Party rules and ways of being) helping her learn how to feel safe again..." grrrreeeaat.
"I am not available for nurturing, as I am drained myself." the conscious part of me understands, and yet *little* needs her nurturing.
if self responcible is reaching out for our needs...
Gods, I fear rejection. I fear No. I fear...it will cost you this much(and I have this much for traveling now).
feeling vulnerable in the reaching out, and yet I have no control over what others CHOOSE.
I am vulnerable. I am a feeling being.
I feel...
Lost.
Startled.
Mystified.
Contempt (for self mostly, for these damn patterns)
Turmoil
Flooded.
Drippy.
Unsettled.
UNHAPPY.
The patterns of me have followed me across the bloody world.
watching in horror. feeling self condemnation.
I notice I am LOSING empathy, and nurturing spaces. WTF!
(and meeting new people...yet feeling the same values of communication, consistency, showing upness)
It felt so sweet to be held here in that way, and then I made a choice...and it triggered something in the other. BAMM. change. Life stresses...not available.
*I am reaching out to my Global village*
the gift of teaching other's their fucking boundaries...oh how glorious.
"I get to learn how to say No, as you are teaching me about that..(Cuddle Party rules and ways of being) helping her learn how to feel safe again..." grrrreeeaat.
"I am not available for nurturing, as I am drained myself." the conscious part of me understands, and yet *little* needs her nurturing.
if self responcible is reaching out for our needs...
Gods, I fear rejection. I fear No. I fear...it will cost you this much(and I have this much for traveling now).
feeling vulnerable in the reaching out, and yet I have no control over what others CHOOSE.
I am vulnerable. I am a feeling being.
I feel...
Lost.
Startled.
Mystified.
Contempt (for self mostly, for these damn patterns)
Turmoil
Flooded.
Drippy.
Unsettled.
UNHAPPY.
Ibis tribe of the back yard.
There are a number of myths and legends about ibides that I've run across, including how the sacred ibis, Threskiornis aethiopicus, is the mythological phoenix, playing a central role in the creation myths of the ancient Egyptians and in their beliefs and rituals related to the transmigration of the soul. The sacred ibis was an object of religious veneration
Hadada Ibis: The Hadada or Hadeda Ibis (Bostrychia hagedash), is an ibis found in Sub-Saharan Africa.
*grey ibis
(picture of little flock of 3) one with a missing foot.
Ibis Wisdom Includes:
* Harbinger of lunar functions, cycles of time, measure and movement
* Connection to the Egyptian Gods and Goddesses
* Connected to Thoth, the Egyptian god of wisdom, moon and Magick
* Connected with the mysteries and legends of the Egyptian mythological traditions
* Openness of spirit, mind and body to the working of God and of Spirit
* Calling to provide some type of service to their "God" or to Spirit,
as each would understand that 'calling' to be for THEM personally
* Occult wisdom
* Wisdom
* Enlightenment
* Ability to work with magick spells
* Understanding ancient wisdom
* Assists with recovering information from the akashic records (Hall of Records, Halls of Amenti)
Ibis was an important creature to the Egyptians. Ibis was sacred to the Goddess Isis. Thoth, god of the Moon and wisdom, has an ibis head. Thoth, guardian of the Moon Gates, was the deity of record keeping and magick. Thoth, in the form of Ibis, hovered above the Egyptians and taught them the occult arts and sciences.
I love being sexual...
I also loath getting hurt. I am tucked away in a safe space, waiting to someone who lives up to my desires for presence, skill, and sincerity.
...
I WANT YOUR ATTENTION.
I long for being sexually expressed.
I long to be held by a caring, heart centered, committed man.
I long to fuck like bunnies, and have long, passionate interludes.
I long to feel a pulsing cock inside of me, and feel attractive, wanted, held.
I long to worship a loving cock.
I long to have a deep, intimate, passionate, sexually fulfilling Relationship.
I long to know myself as a satisfied, wild, expressed woman.
I long to dance in my pleasure, and yours...
I long for you to hold me.
I long for your caresses.
I long to dance in my sexual creativity.
I long to share myself with you...feel you feeling me.
...
I WANT YOUR ATTENTION.
I long for being sexually expressed.
I long to be held by a caring, heart centered, committed man.
I long to fuck like bunnies, and have long, passionate interludes.
I long to feel a pulsing cock inside of me, and feel attractive, wanted, held.
I long to worship a loving cock.
I long to have a deep, intimate, passionate, sexually fulfilling Relationship.
I long to know myself as a satisfied, wild, expressed woman.
I long to dance in my pleasure, and yours...
I long for you to hold me.
I long for your caresses.
I long to dance in my sexual creativity.
I long to share myself with you...feel you feeling me.
Reassure me...
I was not asking for other things to do. I was asking for REASSURACE!
I am a no to that invitation. I could not hold it with a open, willing heart.
...
I need lots of communication.
I need reassurance.
I need scheduling, and to know some form of what is going on.
...
I can feel the needs of my insecure self mirrored in this new environment. New people, same desires for consistent communication.
...
I have a reality of few options for my touch needs, for my transportation needs, for my resourced NEEDS.
so I am looking forward to doing X with someone...and I count on them to follow up, so that I can be responsible and meet that need that I have. Well it feels fucking impossible when others do not show up as they say they will.
How does this happen?
Life gets in the way.
Other things happen. AND I am still holding that tender need...
I feel baffled.
I feel irked.
I feel frusterated.
And this is with people I just met!
...
What are the creative SOLUTIONS here?
I am a no to that invitation. I could not hold it with a open, willing heart.
...
I need lots of communication.
I need reassurance.
I need scheduling, and to know some form of what is going on.
...
I can feel the needs of my insecure self mirrored in this new environment. New people, same desires for consistent communication.
...
I have a reality of few options for my touch needs, for my transportation needs, for my resourced NEEDS.
so I am looking forward to doing X with someone...and I count on them to follow up, so that I can be responsible and meet that need that I have. Well it feels fucking impossible when others do not show up as they say they will.
How does this happen?
Life gets in the way.
Other things happen. AND I am still holding that tender need...
I feel baffled.
I feel irked.
I feel frusterated.
And this is with people I just met!
...
What are the creative SOLUTIONS here?
Travel Truisms and may they touch me...
Amazing...
http://www.rebellesociety.com/2013/07/12/ten-travel-truisms-for-a-swollen-heart-an-open-mind-and-an-inspired-soul-away-from-home/
Relax.
Relax, my dear.
You’re off on an adventure and you have a lot planned: yoga retreats, temples, beaches, parties, hiking. You’re going to see it all, do it all and remember it all. Well, here’s a funny story: No, you’re not, no, you shouldn’t, and no, you won’t.
But that’s okay.
They are not odd. You are odd.
These people are not weird or funny, crazy or complicated. Rather, YOU are those things, YOU are those thoughts, and YOU are those opinions.
But, it’s also your choice to embrace disappointment, to cuddle up with craziness, and to slow dance with all of the severely messed up things that make their way into your life. And don’t kid yourself – there will be a lot of unexpected slow dances on this trip.
Go and do that thing that scares you. Climb a mountain, take that chance, and be that person that leads that group to do that thing that time that you’ve always wanted to do because THAT will be a good day. Express your heart, loudly and clearly, every chance you can. Sleep under the stars, cry under the moon and stumble face first into all of those glittering gutters that so many never escape from.
Live. It. Up.
But not too much.
Don’t forget that you’re in a faraway foreign land where everything feels different for a reason. Be careful. Be mindful. Take heed. Mind your own business, and pay attention.
Trust me.
I am sad to see you go, I will miss you every day, and I will appreciate you even more the next time our eyes meet. But that’s a tale for another day. For now, it’s time for you to go and have the trip you’ve been dreaming about.
Go make memories. Go create stories. Go collect experiences.
http://www.rebellesociety.com/2013/07/12/ten-travel-truisms-for-a-swollen-heart-an-open-mind-and-an-inspired-soul-away-from-home/
Relax.Truism #4: The journey is the destination.
Relax.
Relax, my dear.
You’re off on an adventure and you have a lot planned: yoga retreats, temples, beaches, parties, hiking. You’re going to see it all, do it all and remember it all. Well, here’s a funny story: No, you’re not, no, you shouldn’t, and no, you won’t.
But that’s okay.
The open road doesn’t necessarily lead to anywhere and all of those curious sights, smells and tastes that will blow your mind each and every day? To other people, those are normal, commonplace, or boring. Those people you will meet with those new accents, different clothing and entirely unique ways of living, doing, and being? They are not strangers. You are the stranger.They are not different. You are different.
They are not odd. You are odd.
These people are not weird or funny, crazy or complicated. Rather, YOU are those things, YOU are those thoughts, and YOU are those opinions.
Never forget the power of perception.
Here’s the thing about travelling: It’s all up to you. If you want to sit around and complain all day about the trip, the food, the culture, the people, the toilets, the roads, the language, the internet and the lack of the regular comforts of home, feel free. By all means, go right ahead and do it. That’s entirely your choice.Truism #6: Be inspired or be expired. The choice is yours.
But, it’s also your choice to embrace disappointment, to cuddle up with craziness, and to slow dance with all of the severely messed up things that make their way into your life. And don’t kid yourself – there will be a lot of unexpected slow dances on this trip.
But, like on the dance floor, just because you don’t know the words, doesn’t mean that you can’t sing along and just because you don’t know the steps, doesn’t mean that you can’t dance like a motherfucker until the sun comes up.
Setbacks are speed bumps and fears are fuel. Get moving, get shaking and don’t ever stop.
I’ve had enlightened conversations with third world prostitutes, taken motorcycle rides with strange French surf bums, and cuddled a Vietnamese chicken on an overnight bus ride. I’ve crossed borders on boats, taken taxis to nowhere, and been mugged in the daytime streets and robbed on a moonlit beach. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve made amends, but I’ve also made a life and I encourage you to do the same.Truism #8: Say yes, and say it often, but do not forget the powerful importance of saying no.
Go and do that thing that scares you. Climb a mountain, take that chance, and be that person that leads that group to do that thing that time that you’ve always wanted to do because THAT will be a good day. Express your heart, loudly and clearly, every chance you can. Sleep under the stars, cry under the moon and stumble face first into all of those glittering gutters that so many never escape from.
Get up and get going.Make mistakes (but never the same one twice). Get sick. Fall down. Have adventures. Inspire yourself. Love everything. Create opportunities. Pinch potential on the ass as it walks past searching for a place to rest its head. Be raw. Tear yourself open and have a look around inside. Smile at a sunset and break dance with a break down. Push your memories aside and let the present have a turn at the wheel.
Live. It. Up.
But not too much.
Don’t forget that you’re in a faraway foreign land where everything feels different for a reason. Be careful. Be mindful. Take heed. Mind your own business, and pay attention.
Seriously. Pay attention.
Trust your gut. Nurture your awareness and give some thought to uncertainty when it seemingly appears from nowhere, pokes you in the arm and begs you for attention. When you’re scared, take note. When you’re not scared, take notes. Grow. Learn. Evolve. Be better than you thought you could be.Above all else, through the pouring rainstorms of your soul and down across all of the frozen wastelands of apathy and evil that you may witness, never stop celebrating. In time, you will learn that every emotion is a gift, that hardship is a younger, dirtier version of wisdom, and that we are all, each of us, miracles in a constant state of grace.You may not believe me now, but I’m right on this.
Trust me.
Don’t forget yourself; remember who you are. Remember why you are there, doing those things, seeing those scenes and living those dreams. Remember what you want to gain from this experience. Recall that you’ve been looking forward to this trip for a long time. You will be in a different place every day with different people talking different languages.Truism #9: Remember to forget, but don’t forget to remember.
You are your only constant. Find comfort inside yourself. Lose yourself in every moment, but never forget where you’ve been, who you are, and what you wish to become.
Crowds can make you feel alone, just as full rooms can make you feel empty inside. Fortunately, you are blessed with family and friends that love you. They will be thinking about you each and every day. They will miss you and even though you cannot feel it, you will carry your loved ones with you in every decision you make. Make them proud. Leave a noble legacy.Truism #10: The open road can close your heart. Don’t let it.
I am sad to see you go, I will miss you every day, and I will appreciate you even more the next time our eyes meet. But that’s a tale for another day. For now, it’s time for you to go and have the trip you’ve been dreaming about.
Go make memories. Go create stories. Go collect experiences.
If I can sum it all up in one little sentence, let it be this: Live a life that would make you jealous.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Kai: keeper of the keys
3+ times this name has come into our world today...
There is something in that.
There is something in that.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Starting a new Practice...
Stories to Forgive.
I have so much pain, and sorrow lurking in my energy field. It is time to dive in (again, some more...) and do some work on it.
It is time to let go of some of this pain, and sorrow...releasing, accepting and allowing for what is in the future.
Namaste.
I have so much pain, and sorrow lurking in my energy field. It is time to dive in (again, some more...) and do some work on it.
It is time to let go of some of this pain, and sorrow...releasing, accepting and allowing for what is in the future.
Namaste.
not matter where I go...there I am.
Yes, I have brought myself with me.
I have brought the gifts and the challenges.
I have brought my nurturing and my insensitivity (based on intuition, and personal definition).
I see the patterns of taking people at face value (believing them when they say Yes) and watching the challenges of their boundary unfolding in themselves. *It becomes really apparent when people say...I have boundary issues...and then show up in my Life. damn. Well...they then get to work on their boundaries and I am a tool for that it seems.
I have my own boundary challenges. How I am taking care of my inner treasures...How I respond to another's No. How I am impacted by others energy, emotions, Life.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
on the Radio
The witnessing of my own courage seems to be up for me...
People share that I live a courageous life. Who me? I have not clue.
at times I feel so sensitive and scared.
Yet, I continue to move out in amazing ways.
Yesterday, I did my first in studio interview. It felt safer as I am here in a far away country, promoting my work and with more freedom to share authentically (without the constraints of US social norms). I am allowing myself certain freedoms with feel liberating.
There were massive technical difficulties, which makes the radio look really silly however for me it felt like a great practice run. I had an interesting conversation with the host, and shared from the Heart.
South Africa has its own challenges here...as a visitor I get to see from a different perspective, and still hold the values of my own. Hopefully safely...
so an interesting illumination of courage which I take for granted in my Life.
something so natural as going forward, and being on a radio show...when invited...it flowed with ease (within me).
And that, I whole heartedly CELEBRATE.
Good Job Kris.
I love you.
People share that I live a courageous life. Who me? I have not clue.
at times I feel so sensitive and scared.
Yet, I continue to move out in amazing ways.
Yesterday, I did my first in studio interview. It felt safer as I am here in a far away country, promoting my work and with more freedom to share authentically (without the constraints of US social norms). I am allowing myself certain freedoms with feel liberating.
There were massive technical difficulties, which makes the radio look really silly however for me it felt like a great practice run. I had an interesting conversation with the host, and shared from the Heart.
South Africa has its own challenges here...as a visitor I get to see from a different perspective, and still hold the values of my own. Hopefully safely...
so an interesting illumination of courage which I take for granted in my Life.
something so natural as going forward, and being on a radio show...when invited...it flowed with ease (within me).
And that, I whole heartedly CELEBRATE.
Good Job Kris.
I love you.
stepping into something bigger than I knew.
So a bigger picture continues to unfold.
It seems I did not have full information, nor availability of reality with my host family. Choices which were made from the information at hand, and I am noticing it is challenging when you do not have all the information.
So...riding the waves of Life. Feeling a deep level of anxiety right now.
No, this is not my preference. My preference is to know all the information before landing in the circumstance.
FUCK.
Feeling anxious and emotional this afternoon.
Questioning if I can read a situation.
the faith to jump in...
the ability to trust my own inner voice.
I desire this...
Spirit says Yes...till more of the picture unfolds. This chaos unfolding. This unknown becoming known.
This terrible success of feeling deeply into this realm.
I feel so much right now.
ALLOW Kris..
allow and let it move through.
It seems I did not have full information, nor availability of reality with my host family. Choices which were made from the information at hand, and I am noticing it is challenging when you do not have all the information.
So...riding the waves of Life. Feeling a deep level of anxiety right now.
No, this is not my preference. My preference is to know all the information before landing in the circumstance.
FUCK.
Feeling anxious and emotional this afternoon.
Questioning if I can read a situation.
the faith to jump in...
the ability to trust my own inner voice.
I desire this...
Spirit says Yes...till more of the picture unfolds. This chaos unfolding. This unknown becoming known.
This terrible success of feeling deeply into this realm.
I feel so much right now.
ALLOW Kris..
allow and let it move through.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
conflict unearthed.
Bubbling over the edges...not what I thought we were going to talk about.
So much hurt and pain.
Never my intention, and yet there it is...unwilling to take the projection unto myself and still there was a consequence of my choice. We all have our paths of healing, and others have their own time line.
My work seems to be not to take it as personally as I have other things in my Life. To be emotionally present, and hold the space without abandoning myself into another's experience.
An emotional day. The energy peaked I think.
the unspoken cracked and was spoken.
pain happens, hurt happens, and life happens...we move forward.
May there be HEALING...for all of us.
Monday, May 12, 2014
feeling the desire to plan a trip in/around South Africa
I have an invitation to visit the Durban area...we shall see how that actually shows up.
**options!** Inviting people, resources and options...for this amazing Journey.
What do I desire to see while I am here?
What is my Intention for this exploration and sampling of SA...
Cape Town.
the Cape Good Hope
the Wilds...
animals, landscapes,the land calls...how can I get there??
the Garden Route " Garden Route is a very scenic stretch on the south-eastern coast of South Africa (Eastern Cape), starting at Mossel Bay and finishing at Storms River."
This route takes visitors east along the coast from Cape Town, past spectacular coastal scenery and through indigenous forests surrounding the beautiful town of Knysna. End your Garden Route trip with a visit to the Addo Elephant National Park near Port Elizabeth, where you are guaranteed good sightings of these lumbering giants.
Royal Natal National Park
www.lesedi.com
South Africa tribal culture park.
how much?
Jo'berg Botanical Garden...hey, I have been here!!!

Oribi Gorge swinging!! (outside of Port Shepstone: South of Durban)
http://www.wild5adventures.co.za/page/Adventure+Rates
Union buildings in Pretoria.
Jo'burg and around:
a meal at Carnivore.
http://www.gauteng.net/cradleofhumankind/attractions-entry/traditional_african_dining_carnivore/
Succulent venison cuts such as zebra, impala, crocodile and ostrich, along with domestic meats, are skewered on Masaai swords and charcoal grilled over an open, circular fire dominating the centre of restaurant. Home-made soup and bread is served to start; sauces, salads and pap to accompany; and a dawa (vodka, honey and lime) to wash it all down.
Adam's Calendar:
http://blog.sa-venues.com/provinces/mpumalanga/adams-calendar-and-stone-circle-ruins/
There are numerous myths and theories about the origins of man, and both Adams Calendar and Stone Circle Ruins give evidence to the existence of early civilizations. Adam’s calendar is a 750,000 year old stone calendar, pre-dating all other man-made structures. It is clearly positioned to record the solstice, equinoxes and days of the year and is evidence of consciousness amongst the earliest humans in Africa.
(west of Jozi. towards Kruger?)
Towards Kruger: (5 hrs away)
the Blyde river canyon.
Gods Window: viewing area.
**options!** Inviting people, resources and options...for this amazing Journey.
What do I desire to see while I am here?
What is my Intention for this exploration and sampling of SA...
Cape Town.
the Cape Good Hope
the Wilds...
animals, landscapes,the land calls...how can I get there??
the Garden Route " Garden Route is a very scenic stretch on the south-eastern coast of South Africa (Eastern Cape), starting at Mossel Bay and finishing at Storms River."
This route takes visitors east along the coast from Cape Town, past spectacular coastal scenery and through indigenous forests surrounding the beautiful town of Knysna. End your Garden Route trip with a visit to the Addo Elephant National Park near Port Elizabeth, where you are guaranteed good sightings of these lumbering giants.
Royal Natal National Park
www.lesedi.com
South Africa tribal culture park.
how much?
Jo'berg Botanical Garden...hey, I have been here!!!

Oribi Gorge swinging!! (outside of Port Shepstone: South of Durban)
http://www.wild5adventures.co.za/page/Adventure+Rates
Union buildings in Pretoria.
Jo'burg and around:
a meal at Carnivore.
http://www.gauteng.net/cradleofhumankind/attractions-entry/traditional_african_dining_carnivore/
Succulent venison cuts such as zebra, impala, crocodile and ostrich, along with domestic meats, are skewered on Masaai swords and charcoal grilled over an open, circular fire dominating the centre of restaurant. Home-made soup and bread is served to start; sauces, salads and pap to accompany; and a dawa (vodka, honey and lime) to wash it all down.
Adam's Calendar:
http://blog.sa-venues.com/provinces/mpumalanga/adams-calendar-and-stone-circle-ruins/
There are numerous myths and theories about the origins of man, and both Adams Calendar and Stone Circle Ruins give evidence to the existence of early civilizations. Adam’s calendar is a 750,000 year old stone calendar, pre-dating all other man-made structures. It is clearly positioned to record the solstice, equinoxes and days of the year and is evidence of consciousness amongst the earliest humans in Africa.
(west of Jozi. towards Kruger?)
Towards Kruger: (5 hrs away)
the Blyde river canyon.
Gods Window: viewing area.
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