Getting Real. Acknowledging shame, rejection, and grief/anger

Naming my shame. Naming the rejection that I feel inside. Naming the places that I lose/abandon myself. Namaste. (getting real)
...

This is my Body. The is the beautiful Art piece that my Life has/does share with the world. These curves, this fat...this is my Body. This body is different than the ones we see on Media, or the "stereotypical" Yogini communities. This body is different than you will see on the covers of Sacred Sexuality promotions. I acknowledge the *shame* I feel in that...I do not look like those bodies...*This is My body*...

I rather Love my nipples and the nipple rings which I ceremoniously put there...

This is my naked body...I feel grief when people are not attracted to it because it does not fit within social beauty norms of this time. I feel rejected. I reject myself because I do not fit within the "celebrated" norms.

I cherish those who can see the beauty of the whole of me...who are attracted to this body. To my powerful energy. To the woman I AM.

....

I acknowledge the external validation that I need. I acknowledge that I take on other people's opinion, and take it into myself. I acknowledge I reject myself when others reject me.  

I acknowledge the shame of having this body. I acknowledge the WISH to have some other body, something that is what people want. I acknowledge my self worth comes from outside of myself. That I gain confidence when others rejoice in my being. 

I acknowledge I desperately long for the person who I am attracted to TO BE ATTRACTED TO ME.

Why the fuck am I spending so much time and energy on people who are not there for me...(back to trying to heal the past with the present)...such dedication to hitting my heart against unfriendly/unshared places. 

I acknowledge the courage to speak my heart. To speak what is alive for me. This is a powerful step along the road to reclaiming ME. I have the courage to acknowledge the parts of myself which I feel ashamed. 

I acknowledge the courage to post naked pictures of myself, and speak what I feel is FAT SHAMING in these Communities. Silence does not acceptance make. 

Ignoring these non-spoken community agreements does not Heal this wound. I will no die inside myself.

I will not go easily into my own grace...I will claim this personal space of me. I will juice my own ill suited habits, and defense mechanisms for the pain barriers they are.