I have had this story in my head, this FEELING deep in my body.
a constant buzz of energetic activity.
the *it is NOT ok story*. The "Kris is fundamentally flawed" script.
The feeling state of hyper vigilance…especially with relationships which I care. (adult attachment theory stuff)
looking around expectantly she quivers… what is not ok? How am I not ok? What am I doing wrong? How do I have to be "better"? How do I have to show up differently (to be accept, included, LOVED)?
a feeling state of constant surveillance within…and without.
so when I scheduled some time to speak with someone who I had a few years intimate relationship with (which ended abruptly), I asked…"what was your experience of our relating"?
And what I heard…was much different than my own experience of our time together.
It felt so lovely to see him again. The sweetness was still there. I felt affection, the sweetness of someone reaching out. Often so longed for in my Life. Initiation.
Thank you for taking my hand. Thank you for listening, sharing your presence and own story. We all have our own challenges, and neurosis. Compatible monsters who play well together, are always a bonus.
This reminds me why I value Communication so in my Life. It has become a Refuge of Reality.
The brightness of experienced moments. Different feeling states offer Grace.
Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment