Feeling of Self worth...

When did I stop believing in myself?

When was that point when the internal voices tipped from passionate Self direction and inspiration, to nasty denial? When did the balance shift from following the internal guidance to feeling swept up in Self Doubt?

The balance changed sometime in the past few years...yes, the nasty voices where always there however the counter-dependent/rebel always did what I thought best ANYWAYS. The determined young woman who WAS GOING TO DO THIS...damn it.

The push eased. I no longer am rebelling against the world, yet the Fire and determination to DO what I understood myself to be "destined" to do here withered.

The Passionate mission and drive to BE THAT...

"even though I doubt myself, I choose to believe in myself"...

How did the DOUBT balloon get to be so big?
fed with little things mostly. relationships, a few work pieces that went wacky.
Not feeling supported, nurtured by the reflection of Life showing up.

Damn New Age dogma.

The reflection of Life, cracking, splintering...challenging circumstances arising and the magic of Chaos Logic.

So I am called to retool the belief systems.

Who else is going to show up and do what needs to be done in Life, if I do not for myself?

Respond-ABILITY
the ability to take what comes and move forward with the skills one has...
I do have more skills and experience than ever before.

what are the new dreams?

Integration (of the deep places of my own sexuality, relationship, secure attachment)
Internal Ease and Peace. (alignment: choices which reflect my deepest core desires)
Fiscal maturity and right relationship to "working" for income. (accepting adulthood playfully and with humor)
Being happy withIN, satisfied, creative, expressed...